Kiefer Sutherland fought in Vietnam but was bullied out of the army
for having a teddy bear called Gerry.
Kiefer Sutherland sided with Jade Goody and agreed that Shilpa Shetty
was " a filthy little paki". He also texted 3 votes into Big Brother
against Shetty.
Kiefer Sutherland founded an e-mail thread in 2005 called 'Christmas
Day Generic E-Mail Wankey'. The thread has since spawned over 17,000
e-mails.
Kiefer Sutherland is growing by 4.2% per annum. Doctors say this is no cause for alarm.
Of an evening Kiefer likes to put on lipstick (fave shade is 'pink
fancy'), tuck his penis between his legs and dance to 'Footloose'
He maintains that Kevin Bacon bribed his way into that role, even
though Sutherland had it in the bag prior to the monetary exchange
between Bacon and the production company
Locals in Tennessee claimed to have spotted Sutherland at night and
reported strange crop circles in the vicinity. The claims were later
proved to have been hoaxes.
Kiefer Sutherland has several identities which he goes by including an
old man called Rex,
Sutherland also once vomited into his purse on a night out in a taxi
but managed to conceal it from the driver.
Having heard rumours that there was a jam-making course in Donegal
that featured on the CAO, Sutherland moved to Ireland in a bid to
pursue his lifelong dream. His hopes were shattered however, as the
rumours were proved false. Sutherland has since campaigned against
foundless but persistent rumours in South Dublin Schools that can
easily be checked in the CAO handbook.
In the early 1990s Kiefer Sutherland formed a community action group
against Cyndi Lauper and her pop anthem 'Girls just wanna have fun'.
Sutherland argued that the lines 'Oh Daddy dear you're still number
one' had Oedipal implications and thus raised serious questions as to
what kind of fun Cyndi was promoting.
Kiefer Sutherland loves stripes
A number of years ago Sutherland took over the running of UCD
administration and proceeded to royally fuck up everything that he
laid eyes on.
Sutherland was done for indecent exposure in 1998 when he used his
genitals to try to save an old woman who was being mugged of her
belongings. 'I thought the sight of my tackle would scare the culprits
away' said an embarrassed yet very self-assured Kiefer.
Sutherland is reputed to adore children. He is rumoured to have said
that they are indeed his life
Sutherland is reported to find women with degrees in psychology highly
attracted. Sources say that he doesn't care if it's a pass
degree...any standard will do...as long as it's psychology.
"Kiefer Sutherland led me on for two weeks; fingered me round the back
of the bike shed; then fucked off!
Broke. My. Heart."
Kiefer Sutherland was the inspiration for the hit musical 'Cats'.
Kiefer Sutherland may have a long forehead but he complements it with
a wide heart
Sutherland is said to have choreographed the entire show for Garth
Brooks' 'Ropin' The Wind' tour.
Dee: Keith Sutherland has an embarrassing penchant for eating the gick
found inside his belly button, and cycling to the cornershop on LSD to
get ciggies he doesn't need as he has a life time supply of them in
his top drawer on his bedside table
Amy: Who the fuck is Keith Sutherland?
Dee: His retarded brother.
Kiefer Sutherland invented the hat
Kiefer Sutherland has never heard of, and resolutely denies the
existence of his estranged brother Keith Sutherland
Kiefer has 4 stomachs, one for each food group.
Kiefer Sutherland has many impersonators including a foxcabien "Keifer
sutherlang"
Kiefer Sutherland once burnt a fridge.
Surprise Interesting Farce :SIF: Kiefer Sutherland's worst fear is
crash-landing in the jungle while parachuting
As a result, Kiefer Sutherland has an obsession with inventing compact
instruments to help him survive in such a situation. Like edible
shoes, and Swiss-army-jeans
Also a jacket that can act as a tent
Sutherland has in fact invented a nutritious body sock. This bodysock
can be worn under all garments and, once serious nutritional
deprivation sets in, said sock gives the body its required daily
amount of essential nutrients.
100% true
Kiefer finds women who look like moons highly attractive
He wants to call his next born child Lunar Sutherland
Kiefer Sutherland got dicked while dicking a duckling in a nearby park
in front of a policeman!! He was charged with 1st degree bestiality.
Kiefer's defence was: the duckling was slutting around like her ma
